Life is so strange right now. Friendships are changing, new fears and worries are replacing old ones, I am realizing that the adults I always looked up to never had it as "together" as I thought they did, and I am watching my thought process and priorities shift and wondering if that is a good or bad thing. Some days I feel like I have it all together, and other days I am at God's mercy begging Him to not let me fall apart. (Well actually, I am constantly at God's mercy, just some days I realize it more than others.)
In all honestly, I am pretty sure that I am happier right now than I ever have been. It's a type of happiness I'm not sure I have really experienced before now. With high school done I feel as if my entire being is heaving a huge sigh of relief. Also, truly having someone "special" (I know I am totally being homeschooly here) for the first time in my life; someone whom I could really see a future with, brings a flood of thoughts and emotions that I'm really not sure what to do with.
I am wondering if there is any legitimacy in the idea that we (or more "I") should look for direction from God, rather than ask Him for direction. Because so many times I have thought God was leading me in a specific direction, and He wasn't. It was just my mind doing what it wanted to do. I tend to assume that I know what God wants for my life, (which is incredibly foolish of me) and so act upon it, only to find out I was wrong. So maybe if I just look at what God has brought into my life and the opportunities He presents, I'll be better at following His leading. (This opposed to praying and waiting for God to "lay something on my heart".) I am not saying we shouldn't pray for direction, I'm just saying maybe I specifically should rely a little bit more on tangible indications rather than the mental indications which can be misinterpreted by my willful mind.
The reason I titled this post the way I did, is because I feel like the world is telling me this all the time no matter what I do. I guess I still have the obsession with pleasing people and take what they say to heart too often. But as much as I wish I could simply rely on God for all of my direction and assurance, I find that impossible to do since I never seem to have crystal clear direction. Don't get me wrong, I am still seeking after God and his will for my life, I guess I'm just rambling for the sake of clearing my mind and making sense of my thoughts.
~Melody
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Time is.... Relative (REVISED)
Isn't it strange how there are days when life stands still and other days when you scarcely blink and it is gone? Isn't it crazy to think that someday when we're up in heave we will look back at our time on earth and it will seem so miniscule, like not even a second of time... Psalm 103:15-16 "As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more."
How much of this life do you think we will remember after the first thousand years with Christ? Will we remember what we wore on the first day of high school? Will we remember the tedious hours spent in school and what the largest prime number is? Will we even remember those coworkers that got under our skin every day? I doubt it. But I do think we will be able to see what our willingness to let Christ work through us accomplished. I do think we will know what sharing the gospel with that one person did. Maybe we'll be able to know what praying for that stranger did in their lives. Maybe it will even have had such an effect that you get to meet them in heaven and they thank you for following the Lord's prompting. What if we're able to see all the prayers that people prayed for us and the affect they had? Wow.... What an amazing thought.
On a completely unrelated note, I was ran across these verses this morning:
Matthew 15:21-28 - "Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. A Canaanite woman from the vicinity came to Him, crying out, "Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is suffering terribly from demon-possession." Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to Him and urged Him, "Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us." He answered, "I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel." The woman came and knelt beside Him. "Lord help me!" She said. He replied, "It is not right to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs." "Yes, Lord," she said, "But even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their Masters' table." Then Jesus Answered, "Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted." And her daughter was healed that very hour."
I guess the first thing that surprised me was how insensitive and cold-hearted Jesus seems to be. He initially refuses to even acknowledge her! As if she isn't even worth that. I guess if we want to be technical, she isn't. None of us are. So if God's grace extended only to the Jews at this point, it would make sense. Jesus would have no reason to treat her as anything besides an unclean sinner with whom it was inappropriate to even associate with. But then I want to bring up the Samaritan woman at the well... She wasn't even pleading with Jesus for healing, and yet He forgave her sins. I guess I don't understand what it was about this woman that repulsed Him so much more than other sinners.... I mean he didn't even talk to the thief on the cross in this manner.... I just found this passage puzzling. But it also made me thankful that we are no longer dogs scrambling for crumbs but children who receive all that they need from the Father.
EDIT:
Okay so I brought this passage to my youth pastor this morning and he provided a much more logical and simple explanation for it. He said that Jesus was imitating the pharisees and their point of view towards Gentiles to make a point. Which totally makes sense.... I mean multiple other times Jesus calls the pharisees out and uses their own twisted words and ideas against them.
~Melody
How much of this life do you think we will remember after the first thousand years with Christ? Will we remember what we wore on the first day of high school? Will we remember the tedious hours spent in school and what the largest prime number is? Will we even remember those coworkers that got under our skin every day? I doubt it. But I do think we will be able to see what our willingness to let Christ work through us accomplished. I do think we will know what sharing the gospel with that one person did. Maybe we'll be able to know what praying for that stranger did in their lives. Maybe it will even have had such an effect that you get to meet them in heaven and they thank you for following the Lord's prompting. What if we're able to see all the prayers that people prayed for us and the affect they had? Wow.... What an amazing thought.
On a completely unrelated note, I was ran across these verses this morning:
Matthew 15:21-28 - "Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. A Canaanite woman from the vicinity came to Him, crying out, "Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is suffering terribly from demon-possession." Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to Him and urged Him, "Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us." He answered, "I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel." The woman came and knelt beside Him. "Lord help me!" She said. He replied, "It is not right to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs." "Yes, Lord," she said, "But even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their Masters' table." Then Jesus Answered, "Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted." And her daughter was healed that very hour."
I guess the first thing that surprised me was how insensitive and cold-hearted Jesus seems to be. He initially refuses to even acknowledge her! As if she isn't even worth that. I guess if we want to be technical, she isn't. None of us are. So if God's grace extended only to the Jews at this point, it would make sense. Jesus would have no reason to treat her as anything besides an unclean sinner with whom it was inappropriate to even associate with. But then I want to bring up the Samaritan woman at the well... She wasn't even pleading with Jesus for healing, and yet He forgave her sins. I guess I don't understand what it was about this woman that repulsed Him so much more than other sinners.... I mean he didn't even talk to the thief on the cross in this manner.... I just found this passage puzzling. But it also made me thankful that we are no longer dogs scrambling for crumbs but children who receive all that they need from the Father.
EDIT:
Okay so I brought this passage to my youth pastor this morning and he provided a much more logical and simple explanation for it. He said that Jesus was imitating the pharisees and their point of view towards Gentiles to make a point. Which totally makes sense.... I mean multiple other times Jesus calls the pharisees out and uses their own twisted words and ideas against them.
~Melody
Saturday, June 7, 2014
Bearing fruit
I am not having the best morning.... I am sleep-deprived, and then I showed up to something 4 hours early because no one clarified the schedule to me, so I could have gotten enough sleep, and that frustration mixed with lack of sleep almost made me have a meltdown on my way home.... But then i got home and drank some coffee and read my bible and I'm feeling much better. Still very sleepy though. Anyways, I ran across something pretty interesting so I thought I would try to relay my thought process here. It is very possible that the only reason I am not entirely understanding this is because my my brain is tired, so bear with me.
Matthew 7:15-20 says "Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus by their fruit you will recognize them."
So this was the passage I initially read, and just a couple things stood out to me. First of all, It is so important to bear good fruit so that unbelievers can recognize us. It is tempting to try to fit in to the world, and some Christians I know would say that not defining yourself is a way of evangelism because it makes Christianity look "cool" or more approachable... But that just isn't the way to do it. We can be approachable and be different. The gospel IS offensive and it WILL make people uncomfortable. And this is the gospel you proclaim with your whole being so get used to it. My next thought was on the sentence that says "a bad tree can not bear good fruit". I think we all know people who are genuinely nice people, and may even exhibit a lot of christian qualities, but don't profess the gospel. So I found it interesting that they literally cannot produce "good fruit". Then I was thinking well wait, what is the distinction between doing something "good" and producing "good fruit"? What EXACTLY is "fruit"? And could these verses tie into predestination?
So first a couple verses concerning the definition of "good" came to mind:
Romans 3:9-12 "...We have already made the charge that Jews and Gentiles alike are all under sin. As it is written: 'There is no one righteous, not even one... there is no one who seeks God... there is no one who does good not even one."
Luke 18:19 "... No one is good except God alone."
My interpretation of these verses has always been that we cannot do good apart from God; that it is the Holy Spirit within us that enables us to do good works. The hard thing about that is that unbelievers do things that we think are good all the time. They give to the poor, they are kind to people, they don't commit felonies.... And yet, these aren't considered "good". My only solution to this is that maybe it has to do with motivation. Immanuel Kant is a philosopher who theorized that it is absolutely impossible for a person to do something that is not in some way selfishly motivated. After studying his reasoning, I actually see his point, but I don't agree in the case of believers.
That much of it sorta makes sense to me, but now are those acts like giving to the poor really considered bad fruit? And Christians do stuff that is selfishly motivated all the time so it can't be bad fruit for one and good fruit for another. And Christians do still sin, they're just not bound by it. They can refrain. So again, how can something be good fruit for one and bad fruit for another?
Okay so maybe I need to look into what "fruit" and "trees" are.
John 15:1-8 "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in Me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit He prunes so that it will be even more fruitful... Remain in Me and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself, it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in Me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."
My first observation is that this is talking about bearing fruit or not bearing fruit, not bearing good or bad fruit. But I am pretty sure it is comparable, and is just meaning bearing good fruit or not bearing good fruit. Honestly I have never understood these verses entirely because they seem to be saying that a believer can lose his/her salvation, but there are many other passages that seem to indicate that a believer cannot lose his/her salvation. At any rate, I'm not going to get into that.
So it seems to me the options for a believer are bearing good fruit or not bearing any fruit, and the options for an unbeliever are bearing bad fruit or not bearing any fruit. But being in the Vine and not bearing good fruit will result in being cast away and burned. (I'm assuming it is talking about the lake of fire?) But He says "If a man remains in me he will bear much fruit," so it kind of sounds like bearing good fruit is something that goes along with seeking God. They go hand in hand and you don't have the one without the other? Of course this suggests that it is by choice that we seek God (or "remain in the vine"), which is again getting into predestination and freewill and whether or not salvation can be lost, and I am done talking about those subjects for right now. But I will point out that it says "remain in Me and I will remain in you" not "I will remain in you and you will remain in me". Sorry, sorry... Okay. Fruit. What is it?
I'm at the end of my train of thought and have run out of applicable verses. I have to admit, you read all of that to hear that I. Don't. Know. I have always considered fruit to be good works, but I think I just thoroughly confused myself.
One other point I wanted to make on the Matthew passage, is that it indicates predestination. It talks about having good trees and bad trees and not getting grapes from thorn bushes or figs from thistles. Meaning, a good tree cannot become a bad tree and a bad tree will never be a good tree and bear good fruit. BUT maybe a good tree can still just not bear fruit? Hmmmm.....
ONE last thing. In the John passage Jesus says "If you remain in me and my words remain in you ask whatever you wish and it will be given to you. This is to my Father's glory..."This immediately made me think of how often "Ask and you shall receive" is misquoted. I see this as Jesus saying, if you remain in me, you will desire good things and they will be given to you for the purpose of bringing glory to my Father. This makes me think of when I asked God to heal me of my food allergies and eventually He did and I've been able to use that to bring glory to Him.
Anyways, sorry about the length... I will conclude by saying God is good and I graduate today! :)
~Melody
Matthew 7:15-20 says "Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus by their fruit you will recognize them."
So this was the passage I initially read, and just a couple things stood out to me. First of all, It is so important to bear good fruit so that unbelievers can recognize us. It is tempting to try to fit in to the world, and some Christians I know would say that not defining yourself is a way of evangelism because it makes Christianity look "cool" or more approachable... But that just isn't the way to do it. We can be approachable and be different. The gospel IS offensive and it WILL make people uncomfortable. And this is the gospel you proclaim with your whole being so get used to it. My next thought was on the sentence that says "a bad tree can not bear good fruit". I think we all know people who are genuinely nice people, and may even exhibit a lot of christian qualities, but don't profess the gospel. So I found it interesting that they literally cannot produce "good fruit". Then I was thinking well wait, what is the distinction between doing something "good" and producing "good fruit"? What EXACTLY is "fruit"? And could these verses tie into predestination?
So first a couple verses concerning the definition of "good" came to mind:
Romans 3:9-12 "...We have already made the charge that Jews and Gentiles alike are all under sin. As it is written: 'There is no one righteous, not even one... there is no one who seeks God... there is no one who does good not even one."
Luke 18:19 "... No one is good except God alone."
My interpretation of these verses has always been that we cannot do good apart from God; that it is the Holy Spirit within us that enables us to do good works. The hard thing about that is that unbelievers do things that we think are good all the time. They give to the poor, they are kind to people, they don't commit felonies.... And yet, these aren't considered "good". My only solution to this is that maybe it has to do with motivation. Immanuel Kant is a philosopher who theorized that it is absolutely impossible for a person to do something that is not in some way selfishly motivated. After studying his reasoning, I actually see his point, but I don't agree in the case of believers.
That much of it sorta makes sense to me, but now are those acts like giving to the poor really considered bad fruit? And Christians do stuff that is selfishly motivated all the time so it can't be bad fruit for one and good fruit for another. And Christians do still sin, they're just not bound by it. They can refrain. So again, how can something be good fruit for one and bad fruit for another?
Okay so maybe I need to look into what "fruit" and "trees" are.
John 15:1-8 "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in Me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit He prunes so that it will be even more fruitful... Remain in Me and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself, it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in Me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."
My first observation is that this is talking about bearing fruit or not bearing fruit, not bearing good or bad fruit. But I am pretty sure it is comparable, and is just meaning bearing good fruit or not bearing good fruit. Honestly I have never understood these verses entirely because they seem to be saying that a believer can lose his/her salvation, but there are many other passages that seem to indicate that a believer cannot lose his/her salvation. At any rate, I'm not going to get into that.
So it seems to me the options for a believer are bearing good fruit or not bearing any fruit, and the options for an unbeliever are bearing bad fruit or not bearing any fruit. But being in the Vine and not bearing good fruit will result in being cast away and burned. (I'm assuming it is talking about the lake of fire?) But He says "If a man remains in me he will bear much fruit," so it kind of sounds like bearing good fruit is something that goes along with seeking God. They go hand in hand and you don't have the one without the other? Of course this suggests that it is by choice that we seek God (or "remain in the vine"), which is again getting into predestination and freewill and whether or not salvation can be lost, and I am done talking about those subjects for right now. But I will point out that it says "remain in Me and I will remain in you" not "I will remain in you and you will remain in me". Sorry, sorry... Okay. Fruit. What is it?
I'm at the end of my train of thought and have run out of applicable verses. I have to admit, you read all of that to hear that I. Don't. Know. I have always considered fruit to be good works, but I think I just thoroughly confused myself.
One other point I wanted to make on the Matthew passage, is that it indicates predestination. It talks about having good trees and bad trees and not getting grapes from thorn bushes or figs from thistles. Meaning, a good tree cannot become a bad tree and a bad tree will never be a good tree and bear good fruit. BUT maybe a good tree can still just not bear fruit? Hmmmm.....
ONE last thing. In the John passage Jesus says "If you remain in me and my words remain in you ask whatever you wish and it will be given to you. This is to my Father's glory..."This immediately made me think of how often "Ask and you shall receive" is misquoted. I see this as Jesus saying, if you remain in me, you will desire good things and they will be given to you for the purpose of bringing glory to my Father. This makes me think of when I asked God to heal me of my food allergies and eventually He did and I've been able to use that to bring glory to Him.
Anyways, sorry about the length... I will conclude by saying God is good and I graduate today! :)
~Melody
Monday, June 2, 2014
Just rambling
A little precursor... This post doesn't really consist of biblical ramblings, just ramblings in general. (It'll be short, I promise.)
Wow... so... can I just say the realization that I am graduating this weekend is blowing my mind? Not only that, but God is doing something huge in my life right now, something that I have thought about since I was a little girl, and I am so excited! I feel like I'm on a ship and haven't gotten my "sea legs" yet... still so unsure about how to proceed forward, stumbling around a bit, and placing each foot cautiously, but so filled with happiness I feel I could burst! It's so strange thinking about this stage of life coming to an end in a week, and my friends going different directions, but the future is looking so promising and I feel so overwhelmed by the blessings God has been pouring on my undeserving self. I am still missing the place I consider my home, and my best friend who lives there, but God is helping me to become more and more content here.
Technically I am entering "adulthood" now... whatever that means.... Haha! But really... does this mean I need to start going to bed at a reasonable hour and should stop dancing around the kitchen singing at the top of my lungs into a head of broccoli? Because if that is so I'm afraid I am not cut out to be an adult. In all reality the prospect of moving to California by myself in three months terrifies and excites me all at once. This "transition period" between high school and college is going to be a crazy one, but I am so excited to see what this summer brings.
My conclusion is this: God is good. I have yearned for graduation since fifth grade and thought it would never come, but here it is. And it is only by the goodness of God that I got here. Thank you Lord for this incredible journey, and thank you for bringing it to an end. :)
~Melody
Wow... so... can I just say the realization that I am graduating this weekend is blowing my mind? Not only that, but God is doing something huge in my life right now, something that I have thought about since I was a little girl, and I am so excited! I feel like I'm on a ship and haven't gotten my "sea legs" yet... still so unsure about how to proceed forward, stumbling around a bit, and placing each foot cautiously, but so filled with happiness I feel I could burst! It's so strange thinking about this stage of life coming to an end in a week, and my friends going different directions, but the future is looking so promising and I feel so overwhelmed by the blessings God has been pouring on my undeserving self. I am still missing the place I consider my home, and my best friend who lives there, but God is helping me to become more and more content here.
Technically I am entering "adulthood" now... whatever that means.... Haha! But really... does this mean I need to start going to bed at a reasonable hour and should stop dancing around the kitchen singing at the top of my lungs into a head of broccoli? Because if that is so I'm afraid I am not cut out to be an adult. In all reality the prospect of moving to California by myself in three months terrifies and excites me all at once. This "transition period" between high school and college is going to be a crazy one, but I am so excited to see what this summer brings.
My conclusion is this: God is good. I have yearned for graduation since fifth grade and thought it would never come, but here it is. And it is only by the goodness of God that I got here. Thank you Lord for this incredible journey, and thank you for bringing it to an end. :)
~Melody
Monday, May 19, 2014
Solomon ramblings
Funny story about this post.... I started it 5 months ago and forgot about it.... But then I remembered some of what I wanted to say so here ya go :)
Okay so let me start off by saying I love Solomon. I love how real he is, how blunt he is, and how human he is. Also his writings are my favorite. Ecclesiastes is my favorite book of all time and I've lost track of how many times I have read it. See, I look at Daniel and think, "Wow, he is a great person to aspire to be like, but man... does faith like his seem unattainable or what?" And sometimes when I look at people like Daniel I get so caught up in my own short comings. I compare, which I shouldn't do.But I love Solomon because I relate to him. He fell to worldly desires and made stupid mistakes like I do.
This guy starts off on track with God. God says he will give him anything he desires, and Solomon says he wants wisdom, which God is pleased by (showing Solomon had freewill btw), and gives him every earthly treasure imaginable as well as tons of wisdom. So at this point you're thinking this guy has it all... But something strange happens. The more he gathers earthly treasures and tries to find happiness in them, the more unhappy he becomes. Now a normal person I don't think would be able to properly articulate what is running through their mind at this point, but Solomon is so wise, that I feel like he communicates it perfectly. And the book in which he rambles about his frustrations is Ecclesiastes. He is also incredibly blunt... In 9:9 he tells you to "go and enjoy your meaningless life, all of your meaningless days!" Pretty sure if I walked up to people and told them "have a great meaningless day! Your whole life is meaningless by the way!" I wouldn't have any friends. But Solomon can get away with this because he is the most powerful man in the world at the time.
It's not just humor I find in Solomon though, his insight in incredible. If I got started on verses in Ecclesiastes that I love, this post would last for pages, so maybe another day. You know that analogy that God's knowledge is like the ocean and we are like a tea cup? I think when God gave Solomon wisdom, he upgraded to a mug.
I think over all, the most important lesson to learn from Solomon is just because you have wisdom doesn't mean you will always be inclined to act on it. Solomon was the wisest man who ever lived but he did very foolish things. Who need 700 wives and 300 concubines anyways?!
Anyways.... maybe another day I'll have Ecclesiastes ramblings.
~Melody
Okay so let me start off by saying I love Solomon. I love how real he is, how blunt he is, and how human he is. Also his writings are my favorite. Ecclesiastes is my favorite book of all time and I've lost track of how many times I have read it. See, I look at Daniel and think, "Wow, he is a great person to aspire to be like, but man... does faith like his seem unattainable or what?" And sometimes when I look at people like Daniel I get so caught up in my own short comings. I compare, which I shouldn't do.But I love Solomon because I relate to him. He fell to worldly desires and made stupid mistakes like I do.
This guy starts off on track with God. God says he will give him anything he desires, and Solomon says he wants wisdom, which God is pleased by (showing Solomon had freewill btw), and gives him every earthly treasure imaginable as well as tons of wisdom. So at this point you're thinking this guy has it all... But something strange happens. The more he gathers earthly treasures and tries to find happiness in them, the more unhappy he becomes. Now a normal person I don't think would be able to properly articulate what is running through their mind at this point, but Solomon is so wise, that I feel like he communicates it perfectly. And the book in which he rambles about his frustrations is Ecclesiastes. He is also incredibly blunt... In 9:9 he tells you to "go and enjoy your meaningless life, all of your meaningless days!" Pretty sure if I walked up to people and told them "have a great meaningless day! Your whole life is meaningless by the way!" I wouldn't have any friends. But Solomon can get away with this because he is the most powerful man in the world at the time.
It's not just humor I find in Solomon though, his insight in incredible. If I got started on verses in Ecclesiastes that I love, this post would last for pages, so maybe another day. You know that analogy that God's knowledge is like the ocean and we are like a tea cup? I think when God gave Solomon wisdom, he upgraded to a mug.
I think over all, the most important lesson to learn from Solomon is just because you have wisdom doesn't mean you will always be inclined to act on it. Solomon was the wisest man who ever lived but he did very foolish things. Who need 700 wives and 300 concubines anyways?!
Anyways.... maybe another day I'll have Ecclesiastes ramblings.
~Melody
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
A chapter of my adventure is coming to a close
My time spent living away from home with my best friend is coming to a close. I must say, it has been three of my favorite months of my lifetime. I am having a hard time not being devastated at the thought of leaving. My main motivation for returning home, my job, is now no longer available because the ministry cafe closed. (I was really upset about that initially but God has given me peace about it and I know it is in His will.)
God has taught me so much in my time here. A lot of my friendships have changed and I have been forced to cleave to him. He has given me clarity in my friendships; the ability to let go of some and the desire to grow others.
He especially brought one very special friend into my life. This friend is not a Christian, and at the beginning of our friendship I was hoping he would see Christ through me and maybe learn about Him, but God ended up teaching me through him. He and I share so much in common, and when we met we both had broken spirits as a result of how close friends had treated us. When I was with him, I saw myself and my thoughts mirrored in the things he said, and God revealed to me just how lost I would be without Christ. This only made me desire his salvation more and it is an issue that presses on my heart day after day. The truth in 2 Corinthians 6:14, "Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?" was really made clear to me in my friendship with him. Never before had I realized that there was such a wall there. The inability of an unbeliever to come to Christ without Him opening the individual's heart was made so clear to me. Never before had I so realized the blindness of an unbeliever. Isaiah 47:6-7 "I am the Lord; I have called you in righteousness; I will take you by the hand and keep you; I will give you as a covenant for the people a light for the nations, to open the eyes that are blind, to bring out the prisoners from the dungeon, from the prison those who sit in darkness."
God has really shown me how much trust I put in friends and how little I really should. They are only human, and in my mind I hold them to standards I myself do not meet. He has given me new perspective and motivation for seeking him to satisfy my desires.
I love this place. I love the people, I love the weather, I love the atmosphere... I love that when I'm here my mind is always pointed towards God. I weep when I think of returning home. I hope and pray that someday God will bring me back here.
At the end of this summer I shall be departing to California for Bible college. This was a chapter, and that will be yet another chapter in the adventure of serving God I embarked on in my early teenage years. I pray that I will always be willing to accept God's will for my life as what is best for me and when my plans change, understand that they were never God's plans to begin with.
~Melody
God has taught me so much in my time here. A lot of my friendships have changed and I have been forced to cleave to him. He has given me clarity in my friendships; the ability to let go of some and the desire to grow others.
He especially brought one very special friend into my life. This friend is not a Christian, and at the beginning of our friendship I was hoping he would see Christ through me and maybe learn about Him, but God ended up teaching me through him. He and I share so much in common, and when we met we both had broken spirits as a result of how close friends had treated us. When I was with him, I saw myself and my thoughts mirrored in the things he said, and God revealed to me just how lost I would be without Christ. This only made me desire his salvation more and it is an issue that presses on my heart day after day. The truth in 2 Corinthians 6:14, "Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?" was really made clear to me in my friendship with him. Never before had I realized that there was such a wall there. The inability of an unbeliever to come to Christ without Him opening the individual's heart was made so clear to me. Never before had I so realized the blindness of an unbeliever. Isaiah 47:6-7 "I am the Lord; I have called you in righteousness; I will take you by the hand and keep you; I will give you as a covenant for the people a light for the nations, to open the eyes that are blind, to bring out the prisoners from the dungeon, from the prison those who sit in darkness."
God has really shown me how much trust I put in friends and how little I really should. They are only human, and in my mind I hold them to standards I myself do not meet. He has given me new perspective and motivation for seeking him to satisfy my desires.
I love this place. I love the people, I love the weather, I love the atmosphere... I love that when I'm here my mind is always pointed towards God. I weep when I think of returning home. I hope and pray that someday God will bring me back here.
At the end of this summer I shall be departing to California for Bible college. This was a chapter, and that will be yet another chapter in the adventure of serving God I embarked on in my early teenage years. I pray that I will always be willing to accept God's will for my life as what is best for me and when my plans change, understand that they were never God's plans to begin with.
~Melody
Monday, February 17, 2014
2 thoughts that have been on my mind
My mind is in a constant battle between longing for the Lord to return right NOW and thinking "Not yet Lord.... Not until this person, and this person, and this person are saved. Not until I have assurance that this person is indeed following you. Not until I have the chance to share the gospel with this person." And so on and so forth. I have so many friends who my heart longs for to come to Christ. I pray for them every day, I try to bring God into conversations.... They don't understand why I am so concerned about them. They are so confidant in their anti-god ways. I fear for them so much, to the point of tears some nights as I lie awake thinking about their godless lives and where they are headed.
Another subject that is pressing on my mind.
I am at an age where the prospect of getting married is in the near future. I know some very godly men who are close to my age, and a lot of times when I contemplate what kind of a man I want to marry, I think through characteristics of my brothers in Christ. But more recently I suddenly understood just how drastically a person can change. How they can appear to be one thing, and suddenly be something entirely different. I was thinking about this, and this horrible thought crossed my mind: What if I married someone and a few years down they road they did this? What if it was drastic enough that they wanted to divorce me? What if they had been a different person around me the whole time and I had never known it? And with that terrible realization, marriage began to look much less appealing. So I was contemplating this, and two brothers in Christ came to mind who are very simple-minded. And I mean that as a good thing. They aren't wise in the ways of the world, but they are godly. Drama is non-existent in their minds and everything is black and white. You may call this a juvenile mindset, but I am not so sure. I mean they definitely need to become knowledgeable on a few subjects that they are naive to, but on the other hand, I feel much safer trusting them. They only know how to be one person. The fear that I mentioned above would never occur with them. Then I remembered a time when I was in that simplistic mindset, and I want it back.
~Melody
Another subject that is pressing on my mind.
I am at an age where the prospect of getting married is in the near future. I know some very godly men who are close to my age, and a lot of times when I contemplate what kind of a man I want to marry, I think through characteristics of my brothers in Christ. But more recently I suddenly understood just how drastically a person can change. How they can appear to be one thing, and suddenly be something entirely different. I was thinking about this, and this horrible thought crossed my mind: What if I married someone and a few years down they road they did this? What if it was drastic enough that they wanted to divorce me? What if they had been a different person around me the whole time and I had never known it? And with that terrible realization, marriage began to look much less appealing. So I was contemplating this, and two brothers in Christ came to mind who are very simple-minded. And I mean that as a good thing. They aren't wise in the ways of the world, but they are godly. Drama is non-existent in their minds and everything is black and white. You may call this a juvenile mindset, but I am not so sure. I mean they definitely need to become knowledgeable on a few subjects that they are naive to, but on the other hand, I feel much safer trusting them. They only know how to be one person. The fear that I mentioned above would never occur with them. Then I remembered a time when I was in that simplistic mindset, and I want it back.
~Melody
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)