To anyone who reads my blog... God is good. He is SO good. The more hurt and broken I become the more I am able to rejoice because my Lord cares for me.
Yesterday I was sitting in church, and my pastor introduced the most novel and applicable concept. He began by asking who in the congregation had had the trust of a close friend broken, or had been lied to, or had had a promise broken. Then he asked who, as a result of this, had clammed up and refused to make themselves vulnerable as a result. I contemplated how I had begun to do this or at least desired to do this. And then he said "Love requires vulnerability. We may think we can love one another and keep our hearts "safe" within us, but we can't." I can't even express how much my mind was enlightened at that moment.
What was more significant was what he said after that: "Love has no expectations." Basically when we love someone (and by doing this make ourselves vulnerable,) we need to EXPECT that person to break our trust, to break their promises, to lie to us, and to hurt us. The only person we can trust fully and know that he wont do those things, is God. We can't have expectations of perfection for brothers and sisters in Christ. If you hold expectations for people, they WILL fail to meet them. And if you judge them for that, you are at fault because you never should have expected them to meet YOUR expectations.
I am not condoning lying, breaking of promises, unkind words, etc. But I am saying, you are in no position to judge them for being human, which you are too. And if you claim to be loving towards them, then you had better not hold expectations of them because you will end up disappointed.
The wonderful thing is that if we trust in God first and foremost, we wont rely on people and it wont hurt nearly as much when they let us down. We can rest in the truth that God will never let us down or fail to meet expectations based on His Word.
So I am telling you to go and love people. Open up and make yourself vulnerable, and expect them to hurt you, let you down, break your heart, lie to you, and not keep promises. But love them just the same because that is how Christ loves us.
~Melody
Monday, January 27, 2014
Monday, January 20, 2014
Let it go
I have a really hard time letting go of things I treasure. Especially people. I have trouble letting go of life stages and accepting that I have moved past certain ones. Right now I can just hear God's words ring in my mind: "Just let it go, Melody. Just let it go."
This past week I saw God mend something between a friend and I that I thought would never be mended. But in the days following I felt the feelings of hurt, distrust, and uncertainty from what had passed between us creep back into my mind. I found myself dreading the replacement I knew would happen or had happened.
It's strange how friends give you assurance and confidence. I never feel ashamed of my quirks when I'm with them, I rarely feel self-conscious, and in general I'm just comfortable. Tonight as I was out with a friend I found myself wondering how I looked, thinking I should have worn make up, and when I got really excited over something, checking myself and chiding myself to act normal.
Part of me aches with frustration over this. I finally got to a point where I didn't think about that stuff and now it's creeping back. I find myself holding back things from friends because I'm ashamed and I don't feel like taking a risk of trusting them. It wasn't a risk before... but now I see it as one.
This is not who I want to be. This isn't how I want to think or act. I am seeking direction but all I get is mixed signals. Half of me wants to ignore what has happened and try to trust like I did before but my cautious side wont let me. It floods my mind with hurt and shows me how stupid I would be to not have learned my lesson. And so I fight back and forth, and honestly I don't know which one is right.
God is changing me. Part of me is excited to see who he brings into my life and how He molds me. But a larger part of me is absolutely devastated at the thought of so many things in my life that I hold dear to my heart changing.
In a sense I feel abandoned in a way no one could comfort me from. I know I'm not, but I feel left in the dark with the only items of comfort I have being taken from me one by one, then put on a high shelf where I can watch the but not have them. I feel like someone who is told to walk in a certain direction then is spun around and put in a dark room and gets injured when ever she takes a wrong step. Eventually she is so battered she collapses. And sits there staring off into the dark wondering what she did wrong.
Every downfall just shows me more clearly how inadequate and in need of my Savior I am, and how awful life would be without Him. Even though I am thoroughly confused by Him right now, I am confidant that He will deliver me from this time of uncertainty and that what He has in store for me will ultimately be better than anything I imagined.
~Melody
This past week I saw God mend something between a friend and I that I thought would never be mended. But in the days following I felt the feelings of hurt, distrust, and uncertainty from what had passed between us creep back into my mind. I found myself dreading the replacement I knew would happen or had happened.
It's strange how friends give you assurance and confidence. I never feel ashamed of my quirks when I'm with them, I rarely feel self-conscious, and in general I'm just comfortable. Tonight as I was out with a friend I found myself wondering how I looked, thinking I should have worn make up, and when I got really excited over something, checking myself and chiding myself to act normal.
Part of me aches with frustration over this. I finally got to a point where I didn't think about that stuff and now it's creeping back. I find myself holding back things from friends because I'm ashamed and I don't feel like taking a risk of trusting them. It wasn't a risk before... but now I see it as one.
This is not who I want to be. This isn't how I want to think or act. I am seeking direction but all I get is mixed signals. Half of me wants to ignore what has happened and try to trust like I did before but my cautious side wont let me. It floods my mind with hurt and shows me how stupid I would be to not have learned my lesson. And so I fight back and forth, and honestly I don't know which one is right.
God is changing me. Part of me is excited to see who he brings into my life and how He molds me. But a larger part of me is absolutely devastated at the thought of so many things in my life that I hold dear to my heart changing.
In a sense I feel abandoned in a way no one could comfort me from. I know I'm not, but I feel left in the dark with the only items of comfort I have being taken from me one by one, then put on a high shelf where I can watch the but not have them. I feel like someone who is told to walk in a certain direction then is spun around and put in a dark room and gets injured when ever she takes a wrong step. Eventually she is so battered she collapses. And sits there staring off into the dark wondering what she did wrong.
Every downfall just shows me more clearly how inadequate and in need of my Savior I am, and how awful life would be without Him. Even though I am thoroughly confused by Him right now, I am confidant that He will deliver me from this time of uncertainty and that what He has in store for me will ultimately be better than anything I imagined.
~Melody
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Living Sacrifice
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - This is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will in - His good, pleasing, and perfect will." -Romans 12:1-2
I have been crying out to God a lot lately. Initially it was mostly asking Him to take pain from me, but it became more of an acknowledgement that His will is sovereign, with a small request at the end. Something along the lines of this: "Lord, I know this is Your plan, and I'm ok with that. Because ultimately Your plan is best and my entire life is for Your glory. But... if by any chance your will for my life could include _____, that would be really great... If not, that's fine too. I mean, You know best."
This morning in church, our speaker was teaching on the verses I quoted up above. And as I rolled those verses over and over in my mind, they really began to sink in.
Especially the part about being a "living sacrifice" for God. Ironically, (more like my God's doing) I was reading in 1 Chronicles after church. In chapter 21 David sins against God by counting how many soldiers he has. God sends 3 days of plagues, but as His destroying angel is sweeping through Jerusalem, He is overwhelmed with sadness for His people, and halts the angel. Then He tells David to go up to the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite (where the destroying angel stopped), and build an alter to Him. So King David goes over there and tells Araunah that He wants to buy the land to build an alter to the Lord. Araunah says "Here take it! You don't need to pay me. I'll even provide the wood and the oxen at no cost!" And David says in verse 24 "No, I insist on paying the full price. I will not take for the Lord what is yours, or sacrifice a burnt offering that cost me nothing." And this is what I gathered from all this: If we are truly offering our lives as living sacrifices, it is going to cost us. It is not going to be painless, it is not going to be easy.
Another thing about being a living sacrifice is that it's not a one time sacrifice. It is a constant action of giving your life, your possessions, your friendships, your money, your plans, your future to God and saying "Take this and use it for Your glory."
~Melody
I have been crying out to God a lot lately. Initially it was mostly asking Him to take pain from me, but it became more of an acknowledgement that His will is sovereign, with a small request at the end. Something along the lines of this: "Lord, I know this is Your plan, and I'm ok with that. Because ultimately Your plan is best and my entire life is for Your glory. But... if by any chance your will for my life could include _____, that would be really great... If not, that's fine too. I mean, You know best."
This morning in church, our speaker was teaching on the verses I quoted up above. And as I rolled those verses over and over in my mind, they really began to sink in.
Especially the part about being a "living sacrifice" for God. Ironically, (more like my God's doing) I was reading in 1 Chronicles after church. In chapter 21 David sins against God by counting how many soldiers he has. God sends 3 days of plagues, but as His destroying angel is sweeping through Jerusalem, He is overwhelmed with sadness for His people, and halts the angel. Then He tells David to go up to the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite (where the destroying angel stopped), and build an alter to Him. So King David goes over there and tells Araunah that He wants to buy the land to build an alter to the Lord. Araunah says "Here take it! You don't need to pay me. I'll even provide the wood and the oxen at no cost!" And David says in verse 24 "No, I insist on paying the full price. I will not take for the Lord what is yours, or sacrifice a burnt offering that cost me nothing." And this is what I gathered from all this: If we are truly offering our lives as living sacrifices, it is going to cost us. It is not going to be painless, it is not going to be easy.
Another thing about being a living sacrifice is that it's not a one time sacrifice. It is a constant action of giving your life, your possessions, your friendships, your money, your plans, your future to God and saying "Take this and use it for Your glory."
~Melody
Friday, January 3, 2014
He is good to me
God is so incredibly good to me. At a time when I feel broken to pieces, He picks me up and gives me praises to sing. He parts the clouds and lets the sun shine so I have a reason to smile, and go on a walk through the woods worshipping Him. When I don't understand His ways and accuse Him of not knowing best, He gives me grace and overwhelms me with peace. How glad I am that He knows all and holds everything in His hands. What a loving God I serve. <3
~Melody
~Melody
Bring me to my knees
Let me be broken, let me be weak
As they see Your glory shining through me
With my sin before me
It's Your grace I need
Let Your holy fire purify me
Bring me to my knees
Bring me to my knees
Bring me to my knees
Come over me
Take me and mold me
Shape me I pray
As the Potter fashions a mere lump of clay
Let me be pleasing
In Your holy sight
Be my strength, my refuge, my savior, my light
Bring me to my knees
Bring me to my knees
Bring me to my knees
Come over me
~Melody
As they see Your glory shining through me
With my sin before me
It's Your grace I need
Let Your holy fire purify me
Bring me to my knees
Bring me to my knees
Bring me to my knees
Come over me
Take me and mold me
Shape me I pray
As the Potter fashions a mere lump of clay
Let me be pleasing
In Your holy sight
Be my strength, my refuge, my savior, my light
Bring me to my knees
Bring me to my knees
Bring me to my knees
Come over me
~Melody
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