2 thoughts that have been on my mind

My mind is in a constant battle between longing for the Lord to return right NOW and thinking "Not yet Lord.... Not until this person, and this person, and this person are saved. Not until I have assurance that this person is indeed following you. Not until I have the chance to share the gospel with this person." And so on and so forth. I have so many friends who my heart longs for to come to Christ. I pray for them every day, I try to bring God into conversations.... They don't understand why I am so concerned about them. They are so confidant in their anti-god ways. I fear for them so much, to the point of tears some nights as I lie awake thinking about their godless lives and where they are headed.

Another subject that is pressing on my mind.
I am at an age where the prospect of getting married is in the near future. I know some very godly men who are close to my age, and a lot of times when I contemplate what kind of a man I want to marry, I think through characteristics of my brothers in Christ. But more recently I suddenly understood just how drastically a person can change. How they can appear to be one thing, and suddenly be something entirely different. I was thinking about this, and this horrible thought crossed my mind: What if I married someone and a few years down they road they did this? What if it was drastic enough that they wanted to divorce me? What if they had been a different person around me the whole time and I had never known it? And with that terrible realization, marriage began to look much less appealing. So I was contemplating this, and two brothers in Christ came to mind who are very simple-minded. And I mean that as a good thing. They aren't wise in the ways of the world, but they are godly. Drama is non-existent in their minds and everything is black and white. You may call this a juvenile mindset, but I am not so sure. I mean they definitely need to become knowledgeable on a few subjects that they are naive to, but on the other hand, I feel much safer trusting them. They only know how to be one person. The fear that I mentioned above would never occur with them. Then I remembered a time when I was in that simplistic mindset, and I want it back.

~Melody