Where O death is your victory? Where O death is your sting?

   Watching a close family member be close to dying for the past six years is the hardest trial God has placed in my life. When it started, I thought that crying yourself to sleep every night was just in books. But I was proved wrong. It had always confused me why adults would randomly start crying while talking about something. That is, until I battled bursting into tears every time someone asked me how my sister was. Nightmares tormented me, family friends had abandoned us, and my parents suddenly treated me like an adult.
   That seems like so long ago..... I have wonderful friends now who are incredibly supportive, uplifting, and understanding. My nightmares don't come as often. And I've grown somewhat independent of my parents. I've grown stronger emotionally and it's not so hard to talk about it.
   In the beginning, I feared death more than anything. And that was probably true up until last summer. I was away at church camp, and my mom called my youth pastor, and my youth pastor told me, that my Grandpa had died. I knew it was coming, but it was still a shock. And the worst part was wondering if my grandpa was really a christian or not, and praying that he was. I had a lot of time to ponder death that week. And I was reading in my bible about it, and realizing that my view of death was all wrong!
   I am positive that my sister is a Christian. 100% sure. If I really love her as much as I say I do, I should want her to go to heaven and be out of pain! I really have no reason to fear her death. When this realization hit me that night at camp, I prayed that God would let me believe it and live accordingly. That He would take away my fear of death, because it has no victory and it doesn't need to sting.
   I fervently wish that when the time does come for her to depart, I will not mourn her death (even if that is a human emotion and it is not a sin.) But that I will be a shining example of Jesus Christ, and the hope I have in him. I want to be able to stare death in the face and say "I have been expecting you. And I am unafraid of you."
   God has been tearing down this monster (death) that has been tormenting me so long. Little by little the fear is being taken away, and replaced with a peace that is a wonderful relief. I feel as if this burden has been getting smaller and smaller as I give it to God, and my brothers and sisters in Christ help me carry it.
 

~Melody